I am happy to announce the Coopie Awards! The five best films of the year. This no popularity contest. There have been no payouts, at least none that I will disclose here. But seriously. The Oscars have become over-bedazzled glam-porn. A mershy popularity contest. We don't care who you are wearing. The battle of the blow-hards. There is already talk of Redford getting Best Actor this year because he hasn't won one yet and he's on the wrong side of 70. Scorcese finally got his overdue Oscar for The Departed, mostly due to the fact that the Academy was apologetic for not giving it to him for Goodfellas. There will be no horrible performances here. No fat. Just the five awards for the five best films of the year. And one award for the worst. The soon-to-be-famous solitary Poopie Coopie. Take that, Razzies!
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